"I'll soon be 40 with a good career but no husband. I want to have a baby, but I don't know how my parents and friends handle the news about a baby from the test tube." "I have a son from my old marriage, and I want to have a second baby using insemination, but how can I explain to my children why one of them does have a dad and the other one does not." Such phrases can often be heard at the first visit to the physician/fertility specialist. The Member of the European Society of Human Reproduction and Embryology, Obstetrician\Gynaecologist, Head Physician of the Reproductive Clinic MAMA RĪGA, Victoria Zaletova discusses how to allow yourself to experience the happiness of motherhood without looking back on stereotypes and thinking about artificial insemination as some unnatural thing.
It would seem that we live in the 21st century: For more than a hundred years, women have the right to education, career, and financial independence. They have the right and opportunity to live a full life regardless of the existence or absence of men in their life. It seems that 30 years have passed since the invention of reproductive technologies. A whole generation of healthy and fully-fledged people from the test tube has grown up worldwide. But for some reason, a modern woman has no less doubt than women who first gave birth without husbands at the end of the last century. Adult, smart, independent, and successful women doubt whether they are entitled to be mothers if they have no partner in their life at the moment.
Only a quarter of the women who come to us regarding donor fertilisation have no doubt and don't look back to public opinion. It seems to us that in today's developed society this situation is wrong. The artificial insemination of a single woman over the age of 30 is a rational step. After all, the love of her life can be met later, or not met at all, but the time propitious for conception will be lost. If a woman is healthy and willing to be a mother, that should be enough for her to be one. It is common for women who do not have a sexual partner to use reproductive technologies, such as insemination or in vitro fertilisation (IVF) using donor's sperm. The first technique is used when the woman's age does not exceed 35 years, and she is healthy and has no problems with natural fertilisation. In turn, IVF is advised to older patients and women with certain health problems (e.g., obstruction of fallopian tubes). Our Clinic is cooperating with the world's largest Danish sperm bank — Cryos. Its register has the tens of thousands of anonymous and open donors that can be selected by hundreds of different parameters ranging from the colour of eyes to the level of intellect. Many women are frightened by the possible hormonal stimulation during IVF, but modern reproductive medicine uses benign low doses of hormones, so this therapy shouldn't be feared. Besides, such stimulation is not required for everybody.
With regard to the question of how to explain to the child where his father is — why should you even make up the answer to this question? Mom found dad in a special database of dads. Dads who want to have good children leave their information in these bases. I chose the best dad, and then you came out into my life. He lives in another country and doesn't know our address or phone number. But we can watch his childhood photos and listen to his voice. And who knows, maybe we'll even meet him someday.
In general, the "no dad" problem arises only from the dominant stereotype of our today's society that "there must be a father", even though thousands of children conceived by real biological fathers have never seen their dads in a lifetime. And if the heredity of the biological father cannot be chosen by the woman, here she can thoroughly choose an all-round, talented, and above all mentally and physically healthy father for her baby. In countries such as Israel, the programme of artificial insemination for single women is being implemented en masse at the state level. After all, the baby born from donor's sperm is nothing special?
And the most important thing: Who said that you have no chance to meet your love after 40 or 50? The man who will take care of you and your baby? This is yet another popular stereotype. It is difficult for a woman to meet a man if she is chronically unhappy, accustomed to assuming the victim's position and takes no responsibility for her life. A strong and self-confident woman who makes decisions in her life on her own will not be left without male's attention at any age.
The professionals of MAMA RĪGA Reproductive Centre are focusing on the psychological preparation of a future mother for giving birth to her baby. We provide support to women during conception, pregnancy and after that. If you are not sure whether to undergo fertilisation treatment using donor's sperm, we recommend you to come for a primary visit to the fertility specialist of our Clinic. The qualified and experienced expert will tell you all the details of this treatment procedure and help you reasonably consider all the pros and cons. You can arrange a visit by calling us at +371 66 900 400, WhatsApp or by writing to the e-mail address [email protected]
Chief physician, obstetrician-gynecologist, fertility specialist, ESHRE member
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